30 December 2010
The look of a father whose son failed to establish the run game with LT.
I had a "Beautiful Mind" article prepared for last week but elected not to post it. I decided to bitch and moan about the offensive coordinator after a win in Pittsburgh would be downright morose.
But this week I have no reservations. I traveled a total of 17 hours to see Brian Schottenheimer throw away a game the Jets had won. Yes, the day ended up a success as the Jets made the playoffs, but Schotty robbed all those die-hards in attendance of a win that may have even trumped the glory of Cleveland.
And for that, we must reveal his internal and external dialogue from Sunday afternoon in Chicago.
It's not for the faint of heart. He truly is...BRILLIANT. Just ask Randy Lange. A Jets-paid blogger who makes Cerrone look like a Mets muckraker. "Randy's Radar" wrote this about Sunday's game...
With offensive coordinator Brian Schottenheimer calling another brilliant game as the Bears were constantly on their heels, the Jets were balanced with 124 yards rushing and a well-protected Sanchez completed balls to seven different pass catchers with Keller (7-79), Braylon Edwards (6-78) and Holmes (4-69) leading the way.
Poor, Randy. He's seen the beauty and he can't look away. We really do pity him.
OK, folks. It's late December. It's snowing. The opposing defense is worn out from a long season. I think it's finally time we unleash Shonn!
1st and 10, ball on NYJ 27
Ahhh to hell with that! Give me LT behind Slauson on the game's first play! I love this sh*t!
Result: -3 yards; holding on Slauson
Wait, Slauson got a holding penalty on a play that resulted in a three yard loss?! Is that even possible?! This may be my greatest feat yet!
2nd and 8, ball on NYJ 29
Hmm Mark completed a pass but we MUST get LT going. Do it again! Tomlinson behind Slauson. All day!
Result: +1 yard, LT fumbles, Jets recover
Hey! It's an improvement! I'll take it! Win or lose, we've got to establish LT in the run game! Why else are we here??
3rd and 6, ball on NYJ 48
We need to get to their 46-yard line here. How do you do this we ask? Let's throw a screen pass to our slowest wide receiver with the Bears corners playing a yard off the line of scrimmage!
Result: Incomplete to Cotchery; Punt
Last Drive Before Halftime
Wow. We really moved the ball quickly. Yeah Dustin dropped the touchdown pass but Shonn accounted for 34 of our 59 yards on that drive. We really had something going there. I'll be sure to factor that into our second half gameplan.
2nd and 3, ball on NYJ 40
Let's see. We got seven yards on first down but even though Shonn has ran well and Mark has completed 14 of 16 passes we still haven't got LT going! We're nothing without him! Let's change it up. Tomlinson behind Hunter! That should do it.
Result: No gain.
I liked the way he tip-toed at the line there. He must still be warming up.
4th and 3, ball on NYJ 40
I can't believe Rex is letting me call this fake punt! Even Marty would have vetoed this! Hopefully he doesn't notice I still have Mark in the game. The Bears won't think anything of the fact I have my franchise quarterback lined up as a blocker with a wide receiver lined up just to the right of him. Who would ever realize this is a fake?!
I knew we should have gone with the direct snap to LT. Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! Don't overthink these things, self! Trust your beautifulness!
1st and 10, ball on NYJ 36
Mark is probably having the best game of his career. He's been on target with 25 of his 26 throws. I want to go deep here. But look at poor little Brad Smith on the sideline. He looks so cute with his little headwarmer and big coat!
Hey Mark! Get off the field!
Brad you're in! I want you to throw deep to Braylon!
(Smith says, "After I fake the option, right?")
No you fool! Just throw it deep! I know you want to! Just do it!
(Smith curiously nods head)
Hey, we gotta keep 'em honest! I'm getting ready to throw LT back in the game. We must get him established!!! Established!!!!!!!!
2nd and 4, ball on NYJ 46 (4:32 left to play)
Man, Gould just missed the field goal and we got six yards on first down. The crowd and defense can sense we're about to win this game.
I know it's late, but we MUST establish the ground game with Tomlinson! LT behind Hunter! Break!
Result: -1 yard; Jets punt two plays later
Even if we win this game, it's a loss in my mind. We failed to establish the run game with Tomlinson. I don't care we scored 34 points! LT rushed for 28 yards on 13 carries. He was never established!
Final Score: Bears 38, Jets 34
Marty: Who is this?
Brian: I know, dad. I screwed up. We scored 34 but we never established LT! I'm a failure!
Marty: Oh, it's you. We've had no power the whole day. I didn't see the game and the caller ID was broken. What's this you say about not establishing the run game with LT?!?!
Brian: I, I, I was kidding, pa! We established ole LaDainian real good! Nice and early we got him going! We only scored three points but we got LT over the 100-yard mark in the first quarter!
Marty: Ahhh that's my boy! I knew you had it in you! After you actually called a halfway-OK game last week in Pittsburgh I knew you'd come back fighting today!
Brian: Boy oh boy, dad! I'm so happy you approve! I only wish you could have seen the way the Bears had 11 men in the box! I was persistent though! I knew if we failed to establish the run game you'd be heartbroken!
Marty: What about that Greene kid? You didn't establish him, did you?!
Brian: Of course not! He didn't see the field until the fourth quarter when the game was well out of reach. And guess what?! I let Brad throw it deep!
Marty: Tell me it was out of the shotgun!
Brian: It was, dad, it really was!
Marty: Oh, Brian. My sweet boy. This is the happiest day of my life! I can't wait to see the highlights. I'm turning on the TV now!
Brian: (Muffling noise)
Brian: (Sobbing uncontrollably)
Marty: Son, what's wrong?? (Looks at TV). Ohmigod! Ohmiiiiiiigod! Ohmiiiiigoddddddddddddd!
Brian: I'm sorry!
Marty: Never call this house again! Ever!
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