Who says Mark Sanchez won't have a starting job in 2013?!?
And so it begins.
We may be in the early days of spring, but the Jets have already started their inevitable march to a top-10 pick in the 2013 NFL Draft. That's right. We're still eight days away from the 2012 NFL Draft and we've already thrown in the towel on the upcoming season. Not since the Rich Kotite days have I felt the Jets are as clueless and misguided as they are right now. If you want Jets highlights to be at the top of SportsCenter, then you'll enjoy the 2012 season. If you want the Jets to make the playoffs, then you'll be disappointed. Even with a schedule that ranks among the easier in the NFL (20th in difficulty), the team's failure to address right tackle, wide receiver, a second running back, a pass rusher, an aging linebacking corps, safety, and a PUNTER(!!!), along with adding the most famous backup quarterback in football history to a roster with the most mentally fragile quarterback in football history has doomed the 2012 campaign before it can even begin.
Despite these pessimistic missives, the Jets will still play 16 games this fall. And since there is no fast-forward button on the NFL calendar, we will have to endure the embarrassment that will be the 2012 season.
So without further ado, similar to last year's format, here is Buddy's Broodings on the 2012 New York Jets Schedule.
BUDDY'S BROODINGSWeek 1: Sun., 9/9, vs. Bills, 1 p.m. (CBS)
Buddy's Broodings: Eh. A winnable game but a tough opponent. The start of the Tebow Era should be expedited as Mario Williams flicks Wayne Hunter out of his way, and detaches mark Sanchez's right arm from his body. (Just kidding. That would be anticlimactic. Tebow Time will have to wait.)Prediction: Bills 17, Jets 16 (0-1)
Week 2: Sun., 9/16, @Steelers, 4:15 p.m. (CBS)
Buddy's Broodings: I've yet to regain feeling in my toes from the AFC Championship Game. A place where nothing good ever happens. Two of my worst football memories happened in that stadium. I can't see this going well.
Prediction: Steelers 23, Jets 10 (0-2)Week 3: Sun., 9/23, @Dolphins, 1 p.m. (CBS)
Buddy's Broodings: Perhaps the only team more clueless than the Jets, the Dolphins still don't have a quarterback. With that said, Ryan Tannehill may be better than either of the Jets' options, but in his third career start he won't find a way to beat Rex and Revis.Prediction: Jets 23, Dolphins 9 (1-2)
Week 4: Sun., 9/30, vs. 49ers, 1 p.m. (FOX)
Buddy's Broodings: The Jets last hosted the 49ers on Oct 17, 2004, a game the Jets won 22-14 thanks to a 13-point fourth quarter. The win marked the best start in Jets history at 5-0. History won't repeat itself (in either case).Prediction: 49ers 20, Jets 13 (1-3)
Week 5: Mon., 10/8, vs. Texans, 8:30 p.m. (ESPN)
Prediction: Rex Ryan defenses always play well against the Texans, and the Jets have never lost to the Houston franchise. They will delay the complete organizational meltdown and win this one.Jets 27, Texans 21 (2-3)
Week 6: Sun., 10/14, vs. Colts, 1 p.m. (CBS)
Buddy's Broodings: Andrew Luck comes one fourth-and-goal completion away from earning his career double-digit comeback. The Jets barely hold on.Jets 17, Colts 13 (3-3)
Week 7: Sun., 10/21, @Patriots, 4:15 p.m. (CBS)
Buddy's Broodings: Back at .500, the Jets will say they've turned a corner and mastered the Wildcat...and then they'll play the Patriots. Expect lots of "unnamed Jets sources" to "vent" to Rich Cimini after the game. This will be ugly.Prediction: Patriots 38, Jets 10 (3-4)
Week 8: Sun., 10/28, vs. Dolphins, 1 p.m. (CBS)
Buddy's Broodings: Mark Sanchez's demise will begin picking up steam as the Jets squeak out a victory. Fans will begin clamoring for Tebow. He'll start getting more reps in practice. The Bye week will be miserable.Prediction: Jets 16, Dolphins 6 (4-4)
Week 9: Bye
Prediction: Teeeeeee-bow! Teeeeeee-bow!
Week 10: Sun., 11/11, @Seahawks, 4:05 p.m. (CBS)
Buddy's Broodings: A miserable, terrible place for a fragile road team to play. I can already see Pete Carroll running around in his khakis celebrating on the sideline and Marshawn Lynch dying of a Skittles overdose. Tebow Time is upon us.Seahawks 22, Jets 17 (4-5)
Week 11: Sun., 11/18, @Rams, 1 p.m. (CBS)
Buddy's Broodings: Sanchez will save his starting position for one more week by leading the Jets to a narrow victory over a garbage Rams team. Plus this way Tebow doesn't have to embarrass himself on national TV on Thanksgiving night against the Patriots.Prediction: Jets 19, Rams 17 (5-5)
Week 12: Thurs. 11/22, vs., Patriots, 8:20 p.m. (NBC)
Buddy's Broodings: The Jets get screwed with scheduling having to play the Patriots just four days after a road game in St. Louis. Nevertheless, Sanchez loses his starting job after a putrid performance on national television. Rumors begin to swirl that Rex Ryan is out at the end of the season.
Prediction: Patriots 34, Jets 9 (5-6)
Week 13: Sun. 12/2, vs. Cardinals, 1 p.m. (FOX)
Buddy's Broodings: The Jets have not lost to the Cardinals since Nov. 23, 1975, and that won't change on this day. It's TEEEEEEEBOW TIME! (Ugh.) The Jets will win in an agonizingly boring fashion. Revis will shutdown Fitzgerald. The back pages will be full of stupid headlines. This is so predictable.
Prediction: Jets 23, Cardinals 12 (6-6)
Week 14: Sun. 12/9, @Jaguars, 1 p.m. (CBS)
Buddy's Broodings: This will be flexed to a night game as Tebow returns to his hometown as an NFL starter for the first time. He will dominate and the Jets will win. Tebow supporters will predict a magical playoff run. I predict the team's final win of the season.
Jets 24, Jaguars 7 (7-6)
Week 15: Mon. 12/17, @Titans, 8:30 p.m. (ESPN)
Buddy's Broodings: Chris Johnson will set a Monday Night Football record for rushing yards in a game, as the Jets' old, slow linebackers are embarrassed on a national stage.
Titans: 27, Jets 16 (7-7)
Week 16: Sun. 12/23, vs. Chargers, 8:20 p.m. (NBC)
Buddy's Broodings: NBC will hype this one as a "playoff game," with the winner putting themselves in the pole position for the last playoff spot in the AFC. On a cold, freezing night with their fans pumped about the four-day weekend, the Jets surrender a nine-point fourth quarter lead. Tebow will put the Jets in scoring position on the final drive, but Nick Folk will miss a 45-yard field goal. Season over.
Chargers 20, Jets 19 (7-8)
Week 17: Sun. 12/30, @Bills, 1 p.m. (CBS)
Buddy's Broodings: On a frigid, snowy day in Barfalo, the Rex Sanchez era comes to an end. Tebow is injured early in the game, Sanchez comes in and gets picked three times. Rex finally snaps and verbally attacks Sanchez on the sideline, Sanchez starts crying, Tebow realizes he's on a cursed team and floats up to the heavens in a cylinder of bright light. Rex loses his job. Sanchez retires and realizes his true dream, taking over Nick Jonas' role in the Broadway hit "How To Succeed In Business Without Really Trying."
The blog shuts down. The Jets settle for the No. 11 pick in the 2013 NFL Draft and reach for a scrambling quarterback.
Bills 27, Jets 3 (7-9)
The End.
Number One With A Bullet
If you've read Rex Sanchez for the past 2.5 years (damn, we're getting old), you'll know that we are huge fans of fake interviews and conversations. We don't have the access or time beat reporters have to get inside scoops, so we create our own. Our most successful interview series was of course, "The Beautiful Mind." But when Brian Schottenheimer left for St. Louis (let's all pause and say a prayer for Sam Bradford......amen.), we were left with a huge void. Who were we going to "talk" to now?
We explored our options. "Drunk Drew Stanton" was debated. "Crib Building Cromartie" was discussed. And "Metrosexual Mark" was proposed. But in the end, we wanted to hear what the men in the Jets' front office were thinking the morning they traded for the most polarizing sports figure in America.
We settled on the one, the only, the biggest condescending prick of them all, Mike Tannenbaum.
So without further ado, here is the "conversation" between Jets general manager Mike Tannenbaum, offensive coordinator Tony Sparano, and a third party simply known as Common Sense Guy (he has to exist somewhere in the Jets front office, right?), from the wee hours of Wednesday morning.
***
MT: (Flipping through the morning paper) Man, we've really done nothing this offseason. Not a single backpage story for a signing. I listened to The Daily News when they said to Go Get Peyton! I don't know what else to do.
CSG: The boat has kind of sailed on an impact signing. You missed out on the right tackle Eric Winston, guard Carl Nicks and the inside linebacker Stephen Tulloch. Those three guys could have been impact signings.
MT: Who? I've never heard of them. If they haven't been mentioned in the first 10 minutes of SportsCenter, then I simply don't care about them.
CSG: So what are you thinking we should do?
MT: I don't know. Ever since Peyton texted me back saying, "Fuck. Off.," I've been craving a big move. And look here, the Knicks have a big game versus the Sixers tonight, the Rangers play the Red Wings, and most importantly, A-Rod took a monster crap in Joe Girardi's personal bathroom this morning. That is NOT going to go over well with the tabloids. We have a lot of competition for the backpage. We need a new offensive weapon. Call in Sparano so I can get his input.
(Sparano enters room)
CSG: Tony, really? Sunglasses inside a conference room?
TS: You know my eyes are sensitive to light after what happened to me as a kid.
CSG: I'm not buying that story. I just think you're just a huge douche.
TS: (Shrugs shoulder, lowers bottom lip, tilts head in agreement)
MT: OK, Tony. We need to make a move on offense. Your thoughts?
TS: Well, if we want to save Sanchez's life and win the division, we need a new right tackle.
MT: Woah, woah, woah. Did I hire you to bore me with "football ideas?!" We're in the entertainment business here. I'm trying to get a fucking backpage story. If you're not going to help me then get out of here! (Re-adjusts cheap, tight suit) Now, give me a skill player guy.
TS: Well, Dallas Clark is...
(SportsCenter begins in the background, Chris McKendry announces Broncos are going to trade Tim Tebow...)
MT: Wait, is she for real? Is that true? Let's get this guy!
CSG: Uh you know he plays quarterback, right Mike? You just gave Sanchez a monster extension. How about we look at wide receivers...
MT: You shut your mouth when you're talking to me!
CSG: Did you just quote Wedding Crashers?
(Awkward Silence)
TS: Well, when I was in Miami we ran what was called The Wildcat. I think Tebow would be really good in that.
MT: Tell me more about this Wildcat.
TS: Well, it helped us win the division in 2008 and it really helped improve our run game.
MT: Any success in the playoffs with it?
CSG: No. They did not win a single playoff game running the Wildcat. In fact, Baltimore, a team we'll likely face in the playoffs, absolutely destroyed it. No team has ever won a playoff game using the Wildcat as a constant source of offense. It's a stupid, less imaginative version of running the option.
MT: What did I tell you, Common Sense Guy?!? Stop it! So, Tony, the guys who helped you run it, who are they and where are they now?
CSG: He had Ronnie Brown and Ricky Williams run it the one regular season it was successful. Brown is now out of football and Williams is retired. Brown is the guy who inexplicably threw the ball forward on a goal line play for the Eagles last year. Do you remember that?
MT: Hahaha yes I certainly do! That was great. So funny. So ENTERTAINING. That's exactly what I'm looking for. Tony, do you think Tebow could entertain the common fan like that? You know, the guy who comes to one game a year and wants to buy a jersey for his 6-year old son.
TS: Well sure, yeah. And he's handsome as hell, definitely has no STD's, and by many accounts, may be related to God or is at least in God's entourage.
MT: Really? What would we have to give up for this guy?
TS: A late-round draft pick.
MT: That's all?
CSG: Yes, that's all, Mike. The Broncos are desperate to get rid of him. He's an albatross around the team and every other quarterback on the roster. In fact, the Broncos just spent nearly $100 million on a 36-year old quarterback whose had three neck surgeries in the past year and has significant nerve damage in his throwing arm just so they'd have an excuse to trade Tebow and prevent a fan uprising.
MT: So let me get this straight. He's young, handsome, healthy, well-spoken, cheap, AND holy? Someone get me John Elway's number! Let's make this happen!
TS: (Reads off phone number)
CSG: Wait...
MT: (In a whisper yell voice) Will you shut the fuck up already?! I'm on the pho... (Overly friendly voice) Heeeeey, Johhhhhn! How are ya? So that Tim guy? Does a fourth and a sixth round pick sound good to you? Yeah? Well great, let's submit the paperwork to the league! Have a great day now! Yes, yes it was great doing business with you, too! Take care.
TS: We got Tebow?!?
MT: We got him!!!
(MT and TS embrace)
CSG: Mike, did you just agree to the trade? We haven't even looked at his contract yet. What's his cap number? How much guaranteed money is left on the deal? Shouldn't we check this out? Guys, THIS IS A BAD...
<Single Gunshot>
Woody Johnson: (Wipes splattered blood off glassesf) It's Tebow Time, bitches.
no comments
We'll start with the facts and a few puns. At 12:48 p.m. yesterday ESPN's Adam Schefter tweeted that the Jets had traded for Tim Tebow. Two hours and twenty-five minutes later Schefter was back online, saying the teams had "encountered hangup in language in Tim Tebow's contract that could nullify trade." The Broncos wanted $5 million from the Jets to cover their expenses on the back end of some arcane contractual dealings. We waited. Then, at 8:47 p.m., one long workday after it began, it was done. Done as in resurrected. Done as in Tebow was coming to New York.
For God's sake!
At 11:18 p.m., Mike Tannenbaum sat down for a live press conference. Three times in three minutes he called Mark Sanchez "our starter" and explicitly confined Tebow's role to second-string, Wildcat specialist. "Every quarterback has a back-up," Tannenbaum told SNY, a grand understatement to cap off a day of delirious hyperbolic babbling. From behind the camera, some reporter asked a rambling question about Tebow's charity work. Then a follow-up. Also about Tebow's charity work. So it begins.
There are two ways to look at this trade. There is no third. There is no middle ground.
The first, simple enough, is that the Jets, over the course of two offseasons, have turned Brad Smith and Mark Brunell into Tim Tebow and Jeremy Kerley. Tebow, if used the way the GM described during his presser, is a fantastic addition. Third and five belongs to Mark Sanchez, but third and two? That's Tebow Time.
And if this were a high school team, that'd be the end of it.
But, mostly, it's not. As much as some of us would rather not admit it, there's more to this insane, violent sport than how the brutes are lined up and where they run after the snap. That's where this quarterback comes in. Tebow alters the equation in weird, sexy ways. He may be a flawed thrower, but my Lord, did you hear that conference call? We've seen it happen at UF and then in Denver. Now it's our turn. Speaking to Rex yesterday, the guy supposedly listed all his past coaches, then after declaring he'd never let one of them down, said he isn't about to start now.
Tebow! Where does he come up with this shit?
There's still a lot convincing to do. TMZ had the Jets players fighting over the relative merits of the deal before it was even completed. But that's missing the point. Winning makes for campfire sing-alongs, not the other way around. Win 11 games and you're a tight-knit group; three fewer and your locker room was Mordor with free Nikes. Victory is the horse. The rest gets trundled along on board the cart. Tebow is a horse. He just needs the coach to be a smart jock and pace him right, to hold back after Sanchez has thrown three straight grounders and there are 80,000 (77, 997 in the stands and three on the sideline) morons bellowing for "TEE-BOW!" Do that and this goes into the books as a good deal at a real good price.
So that is one way of looking at it. A little bit of science, a little bit of faith. A little bit of Teeeeeebow.
Then there's the, umm, other way. The other way is best expressed in hysterical screaming. Here it is:
"You just gave Sanchez an extension and now you're trading for THE JESUS QUARTERBACK, CULTURAL PHENOMENON, THE MOST CELEBRATED ATHLETE IN AMERICA'S MOST POPULAR SPORT?!? It does not matter what anyone says, the New York Jets have a quarterback controversy from now until the day Mark Sanchez wins his fifth Super Bowl. Maybe sixth."
"This team needs a new right tackle, maybe a guard or running back, too, a wide receiver, depth on both lines, a rush linebacker, a new inside linebacker, at least one, probably three more safeties (Editor's Note: AND A PUNTER!)...and what do you do? You trade for TIM TEBOW??? THE IDIOT WITH THE KNEELING AND CARRYING ON AND PRAYING?? HOW ABOUT SOMEONE TO KEEP THE QUARTERBACK ON HIS FEET OR SOMEONE FOR HIM TO THROW TO OR SOMEONE TO STOP THE OTHER TEAM FROM SCORING??"
"I genuinely believe that Mike Tannenbaum gets all of his player personnel information from Sportscenter, NFL Live, and those Gruden Quarterback Camp specials. This is just another cursed chapter in the franchise's sick, delirious history. Run the tub, plug in the toaster, it's time for my bath."
"This is a publicity stunt! Get off my lawn."
That last one was, with some license, taken from Joe Namath's response. Those old, pure pocket passin' QBs sure do not like Touchdown Timmy. Oof.
I'm going to take the former, less head-asplodin' view of L'Affaire Tebow. It's only March, after all, and if you can't be happy now (until the draft), then you can't really be a proper Jets fan. I've convinced myself this is going to work. You can, too. Just close your eyes, splash a little holy water on your face, and repeat after me... no comments
Hey, we beat the Patriots in the playoffs, too! On the road at that! It's really not that difficult!
Last night was rough. If you are a real, die-hard Jets fan you had to do some serious soul-searching. How did I get to this point? If I would have chose the Giants over the Jets (and the Yankees over the Mets, in my case), I would have seven championships (eight if you include Super bowl XXV). Instead, I have zero. With hockey my father openly admits if I didn't choose the Rangers I would have had to change my own diapers, but with football I had a choice. While my memories of sports date back to the fall of 1994, I didn't start religiously following my teams until 1996.
That year the Jets had the first pick in the NFL Draft. They did the popular thing and took Keyshawn Johnson, passing up players like Ray Lewis, Marvin Harrison, Jonathan Ogden, Brian Dawkins and Terrell Owens. Unsurprisingly, the Jets started the '96 season with an 0-8 record. Their search for imperfection fascinated me, and I was hooked. The first Jets game I watched in its entirety came on Oct. 27, 1996, a day after the Yankees beat the Braves in the World Series (this would become a trend). The Jets defeated the Arizona Cardinals, 31-21. It would be the only game the Jets won that season. In the following April's NFL Draft the Jets traded away the first overall pick and the right to draft future Hall of Famer Orlando Pace, in favor of moving down seven spots and selecting James Farrior, who left the Jets after five seasons to go to Pittsburgh where he has won two Super Bowls.
That was my first 12 months as a Jets fan. I've never looked back.
Until last night. I was really struggling to understand why I chose to support an utterly inept organization. Was the mediocrity of the mid-90's Giants not enough for me? Did I like Rich Kotite's extra large framed glasses? Bubby Brister's shovel pass skills? What was the reason? I concluded there was no real explanation other than that I was a clueless 6-year old sports fan, and that this Jets virus has coursed through my veins so deeply, I must not only accept it, but embrace it.
And what better way to do that on this Monday morning, a day after our intra-city rival won their second Super Bowl in four years, than to list 10 Reasons It's Great to be a Jets Fan Right Now.
10. We Are Championship Virgins
We have no idea what it feels like to win a Super Bowl. The anticipation is often what makes the ecstasy so powerful. Like when you lost your actual virginity, part of what made you feel so damn good about yourself (in addition to realizing it had NO effect on your day-to-day life a second after it was over) was accomplishing this thing you had built up in your mind for your entire life. Yeah the action in itself was great, but if there had been no anticipation of the moment, it wouldn't have been nearly as memorable. So yeah, Giants fans may have won two Super Bowls in the past four years, but their anticipation of The Moment is gone. Ours is only building, and that's only going to make the ecstasy so much more powerful. (Let's just hope the world doesn't end in December. If the Jets start the season 12-2, I'm going to prepare for The Apocalypse. If they start 6-8, I'll know we're OK.)
9. The Uniforms
Even in defeat, the Jets look good. The only uniform combination I'm not a fan of is the green-on-green. It makes them blend in with the field and it looks downright cheesy. The all-whites are their best kit, in my opinion. It's a simple, classy look that boosts their credibility, or at least doesn't damage it.
8. The Core
While this past season was a monumental disappointment, the key players that brought the Jets to two straight AFC Championship Games are young and under contract for years to come. Revis, Mangold, Brick, Harris, and yes, Sanchez (hold that thought) are only going to get better, and once Tannenbaum finishes pleasuring himself for winning four playoff games he'll put the necessary pieces together to help them. When you have the best defensive player in the sport and two of the league's best young offensive lineman, you have a very solid foundation. The Jets are on the right track.
7. The 1996 Jets
No, not because that was the year they hooked me and started laying the groundwork for this occasionally resuscitated blog, but rather it serves as a constant reminder of how bad things were and how much worse they could be.
6. Woody Johnson
While he has not delivered a championship, Johnson (with the help of Bill Parcells) has transformed the organization from a punchline to a major player in the NFL and a team whose goal it is to win the Super Bowl every season. All you can ask of your owner is for him to give you every possible chance to win, and Johnson has never pinched a penny in his quest to help the Jets become champions.
5. MetLife Stadium
Just because playing in "Giants Stadium" was probably the most embarrassing thing a professional sports franchise has ever done.
4. Mark Sanchez
Oh, shutup. He's not that bad. Part of what made me sway from a full-out "I'm rooting for the Patriots tonight" mentality to a "I wouldn't be that annoyed if the Giants won" train of thought were the Patriots fans I texted with during last night's game. On more than one occasion they made a dig at Sanchez, to which I could only respond, "The guy who knocked Brady out of the playoffs at home last year, you mean?" I totally get he's never going to be Aaron Rodgers, Drew Brees, or even Brady, but he's more than capable of winning a Super Bowl. He won four road playoff games in his first two seasons in the league and played well in all six playoff games. No quarterback in NFL history can say that. Fact. And the whole argument that the team carried him and not vice versa was clearly disproved this season. Sanchez played like shit and the team fell apart.
He was 24-years old entering the season. Had experienced unprecedented playoff success, was cashing an eight-figure paycheck, sleeping with New York City's finest models, and worst of all, had Brian Schottenheimer calling his plays! I don't know a single human being who wouldn't become overconfident and slack off at their job under those circumstances. He had a down year, but it's nothing he can't recover from. Eli didn't even sniff a playoff victory until his fourth year, so if the Giants were patient with him, we can give The Sanchize a mulligan. He'll be all right.
3. Darrelle Revis.
Even in the darkest hours of this Jets season, Revis blessed you with an opportunity to watch arguably the greatest cornerback in the sport's history shutdown receiver after receiver (except Stevie Johnson...let's all agree that never happened). It's a joy to watch him play, and he's someone who makes you truly proud to be a Jets fan.
2. Rex Ryan
Rex Ryan is the Jets. For better and for worse. He is our outspoken, filthy-mouth, feet-loving, twinkie-eating, intelligent, insightful, overconfident, funny, charismatic leader. There's not a coach in the NFL I'd rather have leading my team right now. Sure he may have had a down year like Sanchez, but this is a learning process for him, too. We're his first and hopefully last head coaching gig. He has changed the image of the Jets on and off the field, and boosts all of our self-esteems and confidence levels with his bold predictions. While he probably will tone down his bravado in the press because players feel it adds undue pressure, he is right to think his team will win the Super Bowl every season. It's every coach's goal and if you have a talented team you should fully believe in it. And the best thing about Rex, in my opinion, is that he can identify with the fans. He knows how to make us smile, whether it's with his hilarious voicemails or outrageous trash talk or his inability to say the word "not," Rex is a constant source of entertainment, and most importantly, you know he wants to win just as much as we do.
1. Because We Need The Eggs
There was one overlying frustration to last night's Super Bowl for me. The turncoat fans. I was fine with Jets fans who said, "I'm rooting for the Patriots to lose," but the people who supported the Jets the past two seasons only to change their declarations to "MY Big Blue did it! WE are champs!" are absolute frauds. It would even annoy me as a Giants fan to see front-running New York football fans root for the Jets one year and then support my team the next. How can you so passionately root for one team and invest yourself in them so deeply, just to abandon them at the first sign of misfortune? I could never do that. And if you're nodding your head as you read this, I know you could never do it either. But why can't we? So many New Yorkers did it so seamlessly and made it look so easy. Is it our loyalty? Are we too emotionally attached? Are we attracted to hopeless cases? I'd say it's a lot of the first, a good amount of the second, and a little bit of the third. More than any of those things, though, it's because when you love something so irrationally, as we do our Jets, you can never let go, no matter how one-sided the relationship may be.
Take this joke, the final lines of Woody Allen's Annie Hall, and apply it to the Jets.
"...This guy goes to a psychiatrist and says, 'Doc, my brother's crazy; he thinks he's a chicken.' And, the doctor says, 'Well, why don't you turn him in?' The guy says, 'I would, but I need the eggs.' Well, I guess that's pretty much now how I feel about relationships; y'know, they're totally irrational, and crazy, and absurd, and... but, I guess we keep goin' through it because, most of us...need the eggs."
I need the eggs. I need the Jets. And so do you.
It's a great time to be a Jets fan.
no comments
Rex Sanchez has documented three seasons of New York Jets football. Through these three seasons we have been honored to have Jets offensive coordinator, err, ex-offensive coordinator, Brian Schottenheimer, a.k.a, The Beautiful Mind, share his thoughts on play calling, Mark Sanchez and his dad, Marty.
Sadly, in the evening hours of Tuesday, Jan. 10, 2012, the Jets fired TBM, making it sound like a resignation so as not to murder his coaching career. It was a classy move by an otherwise...ahem..."classless" organization. While the media was unable to get a hold of TBM on Tuesday night, Rex Sanchez did.
So, for the final time ever, The Beautiful Mind shares his Jets insights with the blog.
***
Say you buy a new washing machine. It's supposed to be one of the best on the market and it looks nice and smells nice. For the first two years everything goes incredibly well. The laundry detergent you use gets the job done, yet the washing machine naturally receives all the kudos. Then in the third year, the stains on your clothes get a little bigger, a little dirtier, and a little smellier. All of a sudden, your clothes aren't being cleaned. But why? Your washing machine was one of the most expensive on the market. It has to work. It does work. It must work. So the only logical conclusion one can draw from that is you need a new, stronger detergent to get the machine working again, right?
Well, ladies and gentlemen, I AM THE LAUNDRY DETERGENT. I gave six years of my life to the Jets organization. In that time I led this team to three playoff berths and two appearances in the AFC Championship Game with Chad Pennington and Mark Sanchez as my quarterbacks. Let that sink in, will you? I won FOUR road playoff games with a guy who is probably a career backup quarterback. And yet after one bad season in which I had a soft running back, one wide receiver who had been in jail for two years, another who blatantly quit on the team, a clearly concussed tight end, and WAYNE HUNTER as my right tackle, all the blame falls on me?
And then there's that friggin' quarterback y'all are obsessed with. When are you going to admit HE STINKS? Bring in Tom Moore. Bring in Tony Sparano. Exhume Bill Walsh for all I care. One day you will realize if he looks like poop, smells like poop, and plays like poop, he's probably poop. In my three years with the kid his completion percentage, passing yards, touchdowns, and quarterback rating went up every season. What more do you want from me? Oh, you want me to run the ball more? OK. But then when Shonn Greene starts fumbling and getting hurt every 20 carries, and then I dare try to, that's right, ESTABLISH LT, y'all freak out! So here's a thought...
Maybe it's the washing machine that sucks. Not the detergent.
And who picked out the washing machine? You guessed it. That pretentious dick Mike Tannenbaum. He's now gone through three quarterbacks, two head coaches and an offensive coordinator without reaching a Super Bowl, but do you ever hear him receiving any blame? Of course not. Y'all just blame me, The Beautiful Mind.
Why do you call me that anyway? You thought I was in love with the Wildcat and having Sanchez line up at wide receiver and running screens with Slauson as the lead blocker? Wait until you see the shit Sparano calls. The man invented the Wildcat for cryin' out loud! I was just a realist. I was dealt a shitty hand by a guy who is infallible in the press, and I made the best of it. Just how Marty did with Steve Bono in 1995. God I loved that Chiefs team. Man did Webster Slaughter and I go on a bender after we lost to the Colts...
Anyway, I went along with the nickname "The Beautiful Mind" because for the first two years I really was beautiful, just for reasons you couldn't understand. This season, however, the beauty was gone. I became a shell of my former self. I was told by the GM we needed to throw on every play to justify signing 'Tone and Plax, and even when I told him the plan was failing after the Week 15 loss in Philly, he demanded more passing. That's why I rode Mark into the ground against the Giants. It was a means to an end. I needed to get out of here.
Where do I go now? It's hard to say. My name has been so greatly sullied by the fan base that I may be blackballed Jim Fassel-style for years to come. Wherever I do land, though, please never forget the beauty of the play-action passes in Cincinnati, Thomas Jones on fourth-and-1 in San Diego, Brad Smith's pass to Jerricho in Indy, the fade down the sideline to Braylon the following season, and every beautiful call in New England.
Sure I may have called three passing plays and not used Shonn Greene on first-and-goal in Pittsburgh, but hey, there's only so much beauty to go around in this world. Enjoy what we had together. And remember, when the new detergent makes no difference, it was Schotty who told you it was time for a new washing machine.
Signing off. Beautiful no more.
-Brian Schottenheimer no comments
Will 18 be in blue or green when the Jets and Colts meet next season?
Before we rehash everything that wrong over the past 4 months, let's fart out a quick, traffic-grabbing post, our annual "preview" of the Jets opponents for the following season.
I talked to Rex, and after a long, heartfelt conversation, we both agree the Jets will win the Super Bowl next season. Not this season, but next. Sounds good, right? Great. Here they are...
HOME AWAY
Patriots Patriots
Bills Bills
Dolphins Dolphins
Texans Jaguars
Colts Titans
Raiders Steelers
Rams Seahawks
49ers Cardinals
NOTE: "Beginning in 2010, a change was made to how teams are paired in the schedule rotation to ensure that teams playing the AFC and NFC West divisions would not be required to make two west coast trips (e.g. at San Diego and at Oakland), while other teams in their division had none.
Meaning, had the schedule rotation continued, the Jets would have played Seattle at home and St. Louis on the road, but no such luck. That stadium is super cool, though. Too bad it's so far away. I'm feeling a road trip to Tennessee. Rangers-Predators Saturday night, Jets-Titans Sunday afternoon? Get it done, schedule makers! no comments
Who knew Brandon Jacobs so closely identified with Holden Caulfield, and who knew the Jets were capable of playing such a horrific game? Listen, we all knew this team was going nowhere. Even if they had snuck into the playoffs and even beat Houston in the first round, the New England-Baltimore roadblock awaited. Still though, for it all to come crashing down in Week 16, at home, against the team you constantly belittle, with your season on the line, hell, I didn't even think the 2011 Jets were that gutless. But it turns out they are. More so than we ever could have imagined.
The behemoth's words hit home for a variety of reasons. First and foremost, the coach needs to shutup. There's a realistic chance the quote embroidered at the top of this site will never come to fruition (for football and non-football reasons). The bravado and the trash talk is cute and fun when you're winning, but now it must stop. He's made his point. The Jets are a big story, and they will be for the foreseeable future. Mission accomplished. But after three years of the same shit coming out of his mouth and the end result being the same---no Super Bowl ring---his team needs him to be quiet. The quarterback clearly feels the added pressure created by Rex's words, and for a dude who may not be the most mentally stable, fighting his own thoughts is a battle in itself. I LOVE that Rex expects and truly yearns for the best from his team. More so than any coach that has ever managed one of my teams, I feel I can relate to him. That's why there has not been a "Fire Rex!" campaign this season. Rex is a fan just like us. And while that does make him lovable, he has to remember his position is one of great responsibility, and when you repeatedly fail in your duties, you must adjust the way you pursue your goals.
Next, there is the quarterback. I know this is going to sound silly, but I felt bad for Mark Sanchez today. He usually elevates his play in big games, but today the spotlight was too big for him. He looked uncomfortable, nervous, hurt, and more than anything, scared. As soon as he saw his first read was covered on a play, he unleashed a violent display of happy feet, and started aimlessly running around the backfield. The game was moving way too fast for him. I know he was the victim of a multitude of dropped passes, namely from the clearly concussed Dustin Keller (his eyes look lost out there), but that still does not excuse his utter incompetency. Sanchez will play out his five-year rookie contract with the Jets. He will be the starter on opening day next season and likely the season after that. But if things are going to get better, there will have to be a serious change in the Jets offensive personnel, both on the field and off it.
We learned during Hard Knocks that Mike Tannenbaum is a pretentious dick. That's cool. A lot of people are pretentious dicks. But when that mentality governs how you put a football team together, you are destined to fail. No right-minded GM with Super Bowl aspirations would start the season with Wayne Hunter at right tackle and have zero backups for the offensive line. Nor would he completely neglect the team's kicking game. Nor would he allow Eric Smith to be the team's starting strong safety. Tannenbaum will keep his job (much to my chagrin), but if he really knows how to BUILD a team rather than make just newspaper headlines, he will have to give this group a serious makeover in the offseason. Can he swallow his pride, admit the errors of his way, cut ties with aging veterans, not waste draft picks on "projects," and give his quarterback some protection? We'll find out.
***
As for today's game, you get the feeling that the lasting image of this season will be Eric Smith chasing Victor Cruz down the far sideline. Yes, Cruz was not Smith's responsibility on the play, but there was just something about Smith's futile effort to knock Cruz out of bounds that made you cringe. It was an all too familiar image that doomed the Jets throughout the season.
The Giants and the referees gave the Jets every opportunity in the world to come back and win the game, but they simply could not make a big play on offense. I honestly do not know enough about football to tell you if the Jets crap passing game was the result of a clueless quarterback or lazy wide receivers, but I sure as hell know the Giants shit secondary wasn't responsible for Sanchez's struggles (see: Rex Grossman). I don't expect Plax to be back next season. Yes, he helped in the red zone, but whatever speed he had clearly evaporated in prison. As for Santonio and his pea-sized brain, maybe he was discouraged or maybe he's lost a step or maybe it's something just as simple as he got his big payday and lost his motivation, but either way, 'Tone Time looks to have been a one-and-done deal.
And then there's The Beautiful Mind. TBM was oozing with aesthetic value today. If you ever needed a reason to fire Schotty, take a look at today's box score. In a game that was tightly played and field position was crucial, the Jets threw 59 times with a struggling quarterback and ran only 14 times with a bruising running back. I truly do not understand how the man keeps his job. I pray that the Jaguars pick TBM to be Blaine Gabbert's mentor. It's nothing personal, Blaine. I just can't see this man ruin Sanchez's career. It's beyond the point of joking. His marriage with Sanchez has clearly failed. Maybe TBM will be a good offensive coordinator somewhere else, but he certainly is not with the Jets.
***
You know what would be hilarious? If the Jets won next Sunday, and the Bengals, Titans and Raiders lost, the Jets made the playoffs, beat the Texans, then the Patriots, then the Ravens, and then won the Super Bowl. How bizarre and awkward would reading this post be in retrospect? I wouldn't worry about it, though. It's all over now. The Patriots loss ended the Jets season from the standpoint they weren't winning a Super Bowl after it, but today's loss ended any hopes of ever rekindling those hopes...ya follow?
Or as Brandon Jacobs might say:
"I don't care if it's a sad good-by or a bad good-by, but when I leave a place I like to know I'm leaving it. If you don't, you feel even worse."
Right on, Brandon, err, Holden. Today was a "good-by."
no comments
Say what you want, but these two men, forever linked, have put the Jets in Super Bowl striking distance...again.
Jets Trivia Time!
What do the dates December 20, 2009, December 12, 2010, and November 17, 2011 all have in common?
Waiting...
Tick tock.
Time's up!
Your answer: The Jets season ended.
Confused? Think about it. Rex Ryan said himself the Jets couldn't make the playoffs after losing to the Falcons on 12/20/09. Every football pundit across America declared the Jets dead after they lost to the Dolphins at home on 12/12/10. Deion Sanders even famously declared, "Team built for now. Quarterback built for later." And of course the Jets season went down in flames on 11/17/11 when they were Tebow-ed in Denver.
Yet despite these annual pre-January season funerals, the Jets somehow managed to sneak into the playoffs in '09 and '10, and currently control their postseason destiny in 2011. Why does it always have to go down like this? Why can't they play a strong 16-game season and win a division title and host a playoff game? It's hard to say. You can blame the Patriots, the quarterback, or injuries, but in the end, the Jets have simply not been good enough to play at home in January.
***
For the second straight year the Jets find themselves in a eerily similar situation.
Check it out.
-If they make the playoffs they will (likely) end 2011 with the same record as 2010: 11-5.
-If they make the playoffs they will be the same playoff seed as 2010: 6.
-If they make the playoffs they will have to play with the same shitty, incompetent right tackle from 2010: Wayne Hunter.
-If they make the playoffs they will likely have to follow the same Super Bowl path as they did in 2010: Beatable AFC South foe, the Patriots, and an AFC North team in the AFC CG.
-If they make the playoffs they will be missing the same starting safety they lost in December 2010: Jim Leonhard.
-IF THEY MAKE THE PLAYOFFS IN 2011 AS THEY DID IN 2010: NO ONE WILL PICK THEM TO WIN.
Is this year's team as talented as last year's squad? I'd argue no. But that doesn't matter much. There is great parity in the AFC this season. You cannot identify the best team in the conference yet. It's way too early. I am of course in no way inferring the Jets will prove themselves to be the AFC's elite team, but to choose the Packers Super Bowl opponent would be premature. Shit, the Jets might not even make the playoffs. My point is, just like last year at this point, the Jets still may not have played their best game(s) of the season. The 2011 Jets are not a finished product.
So here we are again. You and I. The Jets. Rex Sanchez (back from its hiatus). In December. Controlling our Super Bowl destiny. History tends to repeat itself with the Jets. They've been given incredible breaks the past two years. Curtis Painter in '09. The 5-9 Redskins beating the Jaguars to give the Jets get the backdoor clinch in '10. And in 2011...we'll see.
There's still a long way to go until January, but after a rollercoaster season that has seen the darkest days of the Rex Sanchez era, we find ourselves in a similar December situation. Win out and you're Super Bowl champs.
Let's try this again. no comments
The body language of a champion.
Well that's that. The 2011 Jets had a myriad of fatal flaws entering the season, and they all reared their ugly heads Sunday night. An offensive line with Matt Slauson and Wayne Hunter was doomed to fail. A wide receiving corps with an unmotivated Santonio Holmes, a guy who had been in prison for two years, and a Ravens castoff was doomed to fail. And to make matters worse, their three young offensive weapons who were all primed to have breakout seasons---Sanchez, Greene and Keller---have all greatly regressed.
The defense was painfully thin on the line, the linebackers were aging and slow, and Eric Smith was in the starting lineup.
But the defense wasn't the problem tonight. Yes, Tom Brady had their number in the second half, dinking and dunking with a fluid no huddle operation, but when you're on the field the entire game, you're bound to be burned by one of the game's greatests. The offense is really where the Jets lost tonight's game. Without watching the film, I honestly do not know if the blame lies with the line, quarterback, receivers, or running backs. Or The Beautiful Mind. In all likelihood it's a mixture of each. How do you fix such a massive problem? Well, maybe you can't. Maybe they're simply not that good.
As for the game itself, if you want to point to one moment where the game slipped out of the Jets grasp, you can look to Mark Sanchez's decision to call timeout with 1:24 remaining in the first half. The Jets had third-and-goal with the clock running, meaning they could wait until the 45-second mark to run their next play. Instead, Sanchez inexplicably stopped the clock, allowing Brady to respond with a knockout touchdown drive before halftime. Rex Ryan called it "the stupidest play in football history."
For once, Rex was right.
The Jets have a quick turnaround this Thursday night playing the Denver Tebows. They'll probably win. Although I honestly believe they should give Revis the night off. Cromartie, too. They don't need a secondary. The Broncos completed two passes and attempted eight today. Why risk injury? Anyway, the Jets will probably get that 6-seed, travel to Oakland or Houston in the first round and maybe even win. But what's the point? Do you really expect this team to win in back-to-back weeks in New England and Baltimore/Pittsburgh? And then beat the Packers?
Sigh.
Lots of good clubs never win a championship because they play against historically great teams. The Malone-Stockton Jazz ran into Michael Jordan. The Buddy Ryan-Reggie White Eagles ran into the Aikman-Smith-Irvin Cowboys. And the Rex Sanchez Jets ran into Brady and Belichick.
That's how the Jets 2011 obituary will read.
And the worst part? There's no saying when it will change. no comments
As drab as it is, this is the Jets best chance to reach Super Bowl XLVI.
The Jets have been one win away from playing in the Super Bowl the past two seasons. In 2009, they held an 11-point first half lead, and in 2010 they were one defensive stop away from having a chance to score and win the game. Both years they lost. Both years they came up short.
Now, in 2011, the Jets boast a modest 5-3 record and are tangled in a three-way tie for first place in the AFC East. Yet despite their modest standing, the Jets are as close to reaching the Super Bowl as ever. They play the Patriots at home on Sunday night, with an opportunity to take an outright lead in the division they have not won since 2002. While a victory would not clinch the AFC East, it would put the Jets in prime position to win it, with games against the Broncos, Bills, Redskins, Chiefs, (Eagles?), and Dolphins remaining---all very winnable games. A home date versus the Giants may be their toughest match following this Sunday. A division title would not ensure a Super Bowl berth, but it would guarantee at least one home playoff game. And that's what the Jets need to win the Super Bowl.
Although it has been done in recent years, including the Packers last season, winning three straight road playoff games is a TALL order, especially in the AFC. Pittsburgh, Baltimore and New England are damn hard places to win, and if the Jets don't win the division, they'll likely have to win games in all three venues (assuming they're a 6-seed). The Jets did Yeoman's work for the rest of the NFL last season, slaying the Manning-Brady monster in consecutive weeks. Unfortunately for them, it physically and emotionally drained them. Their tank was damn near empty by the time they reached Heinz Field. They never had a chance.
But this year, despite a rough, ROUGH three weeks following a 2-0 start, the Jets have set themselves up nicely for a huge second-half run that will hopefully carry them into early February. But there is still one more hill to climb , and that's Mount New England (Goldmember reference voice: Howie Rose). It's fitting, really. If the Jets are going to win the Super Bowl they've talked about for almost three years now, they are going to have to go through their biggest rival, the team that has prevented them from a hosting a playoff game since Richie Anderson ran roughshod down the Colts sideline in January 2003. And in this "division title game," if you will, they will get to play at home. It should be absolutely insane at MetLife Stadium on Sunday night. Between the magnitude of the game and, well, the amount of alcohol that will be consumed before kickoff, Jets faithful will be at their loudest and rowdiest. If I was a Patriots fan I'd either stay home, or at least not bring my children. That's not a threat, it's just sage advice. Neither The Likely Lad nor I will be there Sunday night, with the former in the Bayou and me in Bumblefuck, USA. Our poor mother is going to have to take one for the team. She must really love our dad.
To say a win Sunday night would put the Patriots AFC East dynasty to bed would be naive, as Tom Brady will probably play until the day we all die, just how I'm convinced Mariano Rivera and Martin Brodeur will outplay and outlive us all. Still, he is getting older and their defense seems to get worse every season. This is the Jets' time. They've had three years to earn that elusive home playoff game. In '09 they were a Cinderella story, in '10 they had a historically great team in their division (whom they beat twice, mind you), but this year they are the class of the division.
They'll have a chance to prove it Sunday night.
At home.
RS QUICK HITCHES
-Lost in Sunday's victory was how Stevie Johnson owned Darrelle Revis, at least by 24's standards. Maybe the Bills should have paid him, not their bearded journeyman quarterback.
-Joe McKnight and Nick Folk remain the Jets most consistent offensive weapons. How the hell did we get here?
-Maybe Dustin Keller's disappearance has to do with his lack of intelligence, not TBM's poor playcalling. Watching his mindless sideline leap brought back memories of Wayne Chrebet's "I was just trying to make a play" leap and fumble in Champagne, Ill. in 2002. The Jets did win the division that year, though.
-Speaking of The Beautiful Mind, he's doing his best to eradicate the sarcasm behind our wonderful nickname for him. He's due for a triple reverse with Slauson throwing a 50-yard bomb to LT this Sunday. I'll be disappointed if he doesn't.
-It's good to have Shonn Greene back. Now run him into the ground! He has more tread on his tires than any running back in the NFL. RUN!!!
-I still have no idea what to make of our quarterback's celing for this season. He'll make mistakes like that first quarter interception in the end zone, and then he'll play lights out like he did in the second half. You can't say he's predictable!
